toxic love

Toxic Love Relationships: How to Recognize & Escape Them
http://www.solotopia.com/toxic-love/

Toxic Love – the dysfunctional, addictive, cultural norm
http://joy2meu.com/Toxiclove.htm

Toxic Love
http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201402/toxic-love

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Love:
http://www.lightshifter.com/toxicluv.htm

Healthy Love

9. Evolution, Emotion, and Reason: Love (Guest Lecture by
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZoBgX8rScg

Triangular theory of love
“Intimacy – Which encompasses feelings of attachment, closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.
Passion – Which encompasses drives connected to both limerence and sexual attraction.
Commitment – Which encompasses, in the short term, the decision to remain with another, and in the long term, plans made with that other.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love: Definition, Examples & Predictions
“The Love Triangle
What is love? How do we define it? These certainly aren’t easy questions to answer. When talking about love with others, you don’t always know if you’re talking about the same thing. Some think of love as physical passion, and others think of it as long-lasting affection. Some people believe in love at first sight, and others think that it takes years to develop. Because love is such an important and complex topic, we cover several different theories on love in this chapter. In this lesson, we’ll focus on a classic idea that deals with a love triangle: Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love.

According to this theory, love is made up of three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Sternberg identifies eight types of love, which can be described as different combinations of these three elements. For example, non-love, the relationship that you have with an acquaintance, is characterized by the complete absence of intimacy, passion, and commitment. The other seven types of love have at least one component. Let’s go over the characteristics of each type.”
http://study.com/academy/lesson/sternbergs-triangular-theory-of-love-definition-examples-predictions.html
Triangular theory of love
“Combinations of intimacy, passion, and commitment”

Intimacy Passion Commitment
Liking Relationship  x
Infatuation or Limerence  x
Empty Love  x
Romantic Love  x  x
Companionate Love  x  x
Fatuous love  x  x
Consummate Love  x  x  x


Triangular_Theory_of_Love.svg

http://www.hofstra.edu/pdf/community/slzctr/stdcsl/stdcsl_triangular.pdf

A short lecture on Love. Introduction to Psychology, Steve Joordens, University of Toronto Scarborough.

“A Triangular Theory of Love”, Robert J. Steinberg, Yale University
http://pzacad.pitzer.edu/~dmoore/psych199/1986_sternberg_trianglelove.pdf

7 Types of Love But Only One Lasts Forever
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PCbiozzTf8

Why We Fall in Love: The Paradoxical Psychology of Romance and Why Frustration Is Necessary for Satisfaction
https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/10/05/adam-phillips-missing-out-frustration-love/

The Secret to Intimacy | The Science of Love
“passion intimacy commitment. Social scientists say that tell each other anything. Express vulnerability and curiosity”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2Niq_v34EI

The secret of sexual attraction documentary
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2b9iWwDmYg

How Will We Love?
http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/how-will-we-love/

Secrets of the Sexes – Episode 1: Brainsex (Documentary)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKk-VAMOsLk

BrainSex – Why We Fall In Love
http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/brainsex-why-we-fall-in-love/

The mathematics of love
https://www.ted.com/talks/hannah_fry_the_mathematics_of_love

The Cure for Unrequited Love

How To Choose A Partner Wisely

Why Bother With Marriage?

The Marshmallow Test and Why We Want Instant Gratification: Silvia Barcellos at TEDxMidAtlantic 2012

Why Love Is Never As Nice As It Should Be

The Science of the Friend Zone

Limerence
“Limerence (also infatuated love) is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one’s feelings reciprocated.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

Is It Love, Lust, A Crush, Or Limerence?
https://www.rewireme.com/relationships/love-lust-crush-limerence/

What’s love worth? Try $100k
http://money.cnn.com/2005/02/10/magazine/magbr_valentines_loveandmoney_0502/index.htm

Oxytocin, vasopressin, and the neurogenetics of sociality.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18988842

Oxytocin, Vasopressin, and the Neurogenetics of Sociality
http://science.sciencemag.org/content/322/5903/900.full

5 Ways Women Fall in Love
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0AWMo_ugfw

how to have healthy relationships

How to Be a Better Person in 2018: emotional resolutions
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RMScghsI6o

Skills for Healthy Romantic Relationships | Joanne Davila | TEDxSBU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gh5VhaicC6g

Frientimacy: The 3 Requirements of All Healthy Friendships | Shasta Nelson | TEDxLaSierraUniversity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmJyWreER7A

What love is not

“Love doesn’t hurt. If it hurts it’s something else. Fear. Attachment. Idolatry. Addiction. Possessiveness.
Love is bigger than you. To love someone is for their happiness to be the same as your own.”
https://www.raptitude.com/2012/11/what-love-is-not/

Love is not irrationally jealous in the name of passion. That’s not passion. That’s distrust. Love is not explosive anger. Love is not ownership. Love is not force.
Love is not needing to be with each other every single moment to the detriment of other friendships, interests, or life experiences.
Love is not smushing your two independent identities together to become one unit who is not capable of existing without the other person.
Love is not uncertain about where it stands. It is open and honest and transparent and communicative, because love does not restrain or constrict or conceal.
https://thoughtcatalog.com/jamie-varon/2014/12/15-things-love-is-not/

What Is Love, and What Isn’t?
“Love cannot be turned on as a reward. It cannot be turned off as a punishment. Only something else pretending to be love can be used as a lure, as a hook, for bait and switch, imitated, insinuated, but the real deal can never be delivered if it doesn’t spring freely from the heart.”
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/love-without-limits/201111/what-is-love-and-what-isnt

What Is Love and What Is Not
“Infatuation VS Love
Lust VS Love
Friendship VS Love
Emotionally Dependent VS Love”
https://www.lifehack.org/572172/what-love

6 Signs You Were Never in Love
“1) You move things fast with your partner. Love takes time to develop.
Base it off your dreams, fantasigins about future with them, lusting and obsessing after them.
2) you expect them to be flawless. Should accept imperfections. Be honest. Love is grounded.
Infatuation lives in an illusion, love survives reality.
Infatuation needs perfection in order to survive. Love is grounded, you accept their imperfections.
3) You are not comfortable around them. Letting loose and caring so much, open to vulnerability, not being disconnected, not building walls. Sharing emotions and secrets…
4) You become more distant.
5) Your mind is elsewhere, and then your heart follows too. Don’t avoid tough conversations.
6) You developed anxiety. Forcing love when it’s absent, will only hurt two of you.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Le8BNAEtQRA

7 Signs They’re a Keeper
“even insignificant tasks can become fun
no abuse or manipulation involved
they are willing to work on their mistakes
they remember the little things about you
they encourage you to be independent
they don’t hold grudges, foxuses on making things work
you have never been happier then ever before”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gubaGpBn0Qg


The psychology of seduction | Raj Persaud | TEDxUniversityofBristol
“having impact on the other person feels seductive,
attention, interest, and maintenance,
meeting the unmet need in a way that it was unmet need before”

6 Differences Between Love vs Lust
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hf08GRUtjRM

vulnerability

The power of vulnerability | Brené Brown
“Let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen
To love with our whole hearts, even there is no guarantee.
To practice gratitude and joy…
To believe that we are enough, to be kinder and gentler to people around us, and to ourselves./”

Love Languages, Expressing Love

How Do You Give & Receive Love? Love languages
1 Words of affirmation
2 Quality Time
3 Receiving Gifts
4 Acts of Service
5 Physical Touch
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/5-love-languages/ .

Healthy Unhealthy
Feeling responsible for your own happiness Feeling incomplete without your partner
Friendships exist outside of the relationship Relying on your partner for happiness
Open and honest communication Game-playing or manipulation
Respecting differences in your partner Jealousy
Asking honestly what is wanted Feeling unable to express what is wanted
Accepting endings Unable to let go

from “Setting Boundaries in a Relationship”
ref https://www.breakthecycle.org/blog/setting-boundaries-relationship

10 Way to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries
1. Name your limits.
2. Tune into your feelings.
3. Be direct.
4. Give yourself permission.
5. Practice self-awareness.
6. Consider your past and present.
7. Make self-care a priority.
8. Seek support.
9. Be assertive.
10. Start small.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries/